The Scary Bits »

I know, it's been a while since I've written one of these gore-soaked missives, but the upside to that is ... we have a lot to talk about! And since I wrote this during a lazy Sunday (happy belated holidays, btw) I figure it's time to break out the candy-coated bullet points! Let's start out with a freaky fistful of upcoming DVD releases:

Currently strewn across shelves are Donkey Punch and Vinyan, two festival-heavy horror films that couldn't possibly be more different. One's about venal young jerks, and the other is about heartbroken (but stupid) parents. Really bad things happen to all of them.

This Tuesday we're getting the old-school-style monster movie Splinter, which is really quite good. If you like prickly monsters, that is. On the same day ... whoa. It looks like someone actually bothered to exhume flicks like Repossessed, Slaughter High, and My Best Friend Is a Vampire. That sound you just heard was my Netflix queue getting fatter.

Come the 21st we get J.T. Petty's The Burrowers, which played (and played well) at last year's Fantastic Fest, and Robert Hall's Laid to Rest, which is sort of like a non-snarky slasher throwback with a hint of Phantasm-style weirdness. Couldn't find a stranger double feature than these two, believe me.

And mark your calendars, gore-lovers, for April 28, because that's when Martyrs finally hits R1 DVD. According to the UK poster, Scoot Weinberg says it "makes Saw look like Sesame Street," which is one of the most shameless blurbs I've ever heard. Even if the guy is correct, brilliant, and really handsome. (Trust me, this is one rough horror movie.) Also on this Tuesday we'll get the unofficial Donnie Darko sequel, and a movie starring Amber Benson called One-Eyed Monster. I leave the jokes to you fine folks.

It's no secret that I do film reviews, some silly "Splat Chat" interviews, and a few random set reports for the FEARnet website, but I figure those facts are worth repeating before I go on. So there. Duly repeated. Ahem.

Dear Time-Warner Cable / Brighthouse,

You've greatly disappointed a whole lot of horror fans by unceremoniously dropping FEARnet On Demand from your line-up. We humbly request that you reconsider this decision at your earliest convenience.

For the detailed story on what's happening between FEARnet and Time-Warner, I refer you to this earnest plea at the FEARnet website. And then I'll refer you to websites like AICN, CHUD, Slashfilm, Bloody-Disgusting, Cnefantastique, Dread Central, ShockTillYouDrop, Rotten Tomatoes, Spill, HitFix, The Geek Couch, Screen Junkies, and passionate bloggers like Final Girl, The Horror Club, Eternal Vigilance, Horror Fatale, The Horror Geek, Horrors Not Dead, and The Vault of Horror.

So after years of wondering and months of alleged deals, it finally looks like Universal is dusting something off for a remake. SomeTHING I should say, so if you're a fan of Christian Nyby's The Thing (From Another World), John Carpenter's The Thing, or John Campbell's source material Who Goes There?, then you should be suitably elated to learn that Universal has tapped a writer and a director for the new-fangled version. Me, I'm fine with it. But if you come into my house and mess with my The Thing DVD, I may have to cut you. (More from Pete right here.)

Sam Raimi's long-awaited return to horror is called Drag Me to Hell, and while I won't get to see it for a few more weeks (sadface), the early buzz from the L.A. horror hounds is nothing but enthusiastic. I refuse to read ANYthing about this movie, but you can click around Bloody, Shock, and Dread to see what those gorehounds thought.

Oooh, next week we get a bunch of new Friday the 13th DVDs! (I wonder why.) Check out my little report on those platters right here. Directly opposite of next week we have last week, which is when we saw a few new horror flicks at Sundance. Those films were Grace (Snider's review / mine at FEARnet), The Killing Room (mine), and Dead Snow (Snider's / mine), and while it's not horror at all, Moon is just damn cool enough to warrant another mention. Here's James' review and here's mine. (It's old-school science fiction, in that it's about ideas AND technology. How very cool.)

Random bits on: Joss Whedon's Cabin in the Woods; that remake of The Crazies; the availability of the awesome [REC] on R1 DVD; and our multiple affectons for Sean Ellis' The Broken. (Ooh, the Martyrs DVD cover!)

Yesterday was the first Friday of the new year, and not ONE wide release hit the screens. But I could have sworn that the first Friday of the year was reserved for a massive crap-heap of alleged horror! Nope, but the guys at After Dark Horrorfest saw an opportunity, which is why we'll get NINE new scare flicks next week! Oh wait, I almost forgot...

January
9
Autopsy (After Dark) -- Hospital-style hell. Often attempted, rarely well.
The Broken (After Dark) -- Lena Headey. Richard Jenkins. Evil doppelganger. Slick flick.
The Butterfly Effect 3: Revelations (After Dark) -- A theatrical-release sequel to a DTV sequel. Weird.
Dying Breed (After Dark) -- Horror from down unda'. Familiar but effective. I dug it.
From Within (After Dark) -- Also known as The Tribeca Nap.
Perkins' 14 (After Dark) -- A bunch of brainwashed folks go psycho. Sounds cool.
Slaughter (After Dark) -- Chick moves to a haunted farm. Really?
The Unborn (Rogue) -- David Goyer. Undead kid. Cloverfield hottie. PG-13.
Voices (After Dark) -- Occult from Korea.
16
My Bloody Valentine 3-D (Lionsgate) -- Good, goofy, gory fun. Find a 3-D theater.
23
Donkey Punch (Magnet) -- Stylish, nasty, sexy, speedy.
The Lodger (Sony) -- It was a book before Hitchcock got there. Solid cast, too.
Outlander (Third Rail) -- Aliens, Vikings & Monsters. Oh my.
Underworld: Rise of the Lycans (Screen Gems) -- Aren't we about due for Underworld vs. Resident Evil?
30
The Uninvited (Paramount) -- Remake of the excellent Tale of Two Sisters. PG-13.

I've been sitting here for about five minutes trying to decide the best format for this year-end article. Do I just throw out a bunch of titles and then wait for the inevitable response(s) of "Dude, we've seen those ones. Got anything more obscure-ish?" Or do I list EVERY single horror film that hit the scene in 2008, and then give each one a star rating and a few pithy comments?

But then I remembered how much I love chronological order. My life, for example, is lived chronologically, and I wouldn't have it any other way. So let's start in January and simply slither forward. I'm including only the highlights of each month, so if you're looking for me to make fun of stuff like Pulse 2, Shutter, of freakin' Prom Night, I'm sorry to disappoint you. (OK, fine: I'll cover the crap too. I just can't say no to gorehounds.)

January -- The 18th saw the arrival of two fine genre films: One a big hit called Cloverfield and the other a little indie piece called Teeth. Obviously a monster movie and a flick about a toothed vagina don't have much in common, but indeed, both were smarter than they had to be, dark and nasty here and there, and quite a bit of fun. Also pretty surprising: The relative quality of White Noise 2. (Booo: One Missed Call, Boogeyman 2, Lake Placid 2)

February -- From overseas we got Shrooms, Storm Warning, and Black Water. All three are worthy of a rental. From the indie-makers we got Spiral, Diary of the Dead, and The Signal. Solid stuff. From Hollywood? A freakin' remake of The Eye. I've seen scarier film on old pudding.

Woohoo, let's check one horror remake off the list for 2009! Yes, I was fortunate enough to experience the 3-D splatteriness of My Bloody Valentine at the jam-packed BNAT 10 last weekend -- and while I was equal parts skeptical and intrigued, I'm pleased to opine that this is one fun little gore-fest. Feel free to check out my review at FEARnet and / or Devin's over at CHUD for some specific thoughts. (Big fan of the original Valentine? Then check out this interview re: the new DVD!) Oh, and here's the newest teaser trailer:



Hmm, what else happened while I was down in Austin? Ah yes, Rob Zombie was officially locked in to directing Halloween 2, which excites me in the same way that would Uwe Boll directing a remake of The Thing. With all due respect to Robby Z. and his legions of fans ... I just hate his movies. Despite actively trying to enjoy each flick (more than once!), each one feels like a sweaty barbecue with the world's most disgusting inbreds. Not scary, just ugly and unpleasant. And since Halloween 2 holds a strange little place in my heart, I think I'll just forget about this project until it hits the screens this October.

Hey cool: Looks like that geek-friendly Outlander flick is finally touching down on January 23. Sounds good. Also in January? Sundance and Slamdance! My red-penciled genre flicks are as follows: Dead Snow, Grace, The Killing Room, and Moon (from Sundance), plus Conjurer, I Sell the Dead, Mum & Dad, Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Undead, and Zombie Girl: The Movie (from Slamdance). Oh, and all the dramas and comedies and such...

True or False: There is such a thing as too many Bruce Campbell interviews. (Answer: False.) And Happy Horrodays! Here's a list of cinema's ten scariest Santas! Last and probably least: Anyone out there want to see Steven Seagal as a vampire slayer? This might cure you.

Looks like next month's Sundance Film Festival is offering four films that could accurately be labeled as "horror," which isn't a whole lot -- but of course it's all about quantity over quality. The quartet of creepy flicks are Paul Solet's Grace; Jonathan Liebesman's The Killing Room; Duncan Jones' Moon; and a Norwegian import called Dead Snow. All four sound intriguing enough, but I'm particularly looking forward to Grace and Moon, because I've been hearing stuff about both since, like, pre-production. Check out Dread Central for a handy little recap of these four movies, and of course keep your browser set to Cinematical once Sundance hits. Looks like it'll be Erik, James and myself causing all sorts of cinematic damage.

Shameless plug: Remember that British mini-series (I will forever call it a movie) that I raved about last week? Well, I penned a full review of Dead Set for my pals at FEARnet. Check it out. Plug for a pal: The gore-drenched Stacie Ponder recently tossed together a nifty horror-centric Amazon store, and I recommend it for purchases OR just as a solid little reference guide. Grab your PayPal debit card and click here. (I bought the Val Lewton box set and a new copy of Inside.) Doubly shameless plug: I sifted through almost ten years' worth of reviews, pulling only the horror ones. (Enjoy!)

One of history's biggest horror geeks, the ever-lovable Forrest J. Ackerman, died a few days ago at the awesome age of 92. (Good lord would I like to see nine decades' worth of new horror movies.) Known mainly for his stellar Famous Monsters of Filmland magazine, Ackerman did what every horror fan would love to do: Spend a long career surrounded by his favorite creeps 'n' killers. Check out the AP report at Shock, and of course we send our condolences to Mr. Ackerman's family.

Recently on Cinematical: Erik takes a look at that Dead Snow flick, the first full Friday the 13th trailer hits the scene, and Tim Burton and Johnny Depp consider Dark Shadows.

Final tidbit: Photos, synopses, and a DVD cover for Feast 3: The Happy Finish. Bring it on!

So our good pal Peter Hall was traveling overseas, and this is how you know that "Horror Geeks" is a really awesome fraternity: He bought me a copy of the E4 horror mini-series Dead Set! Created by the insanely clever Charlie Brooker, Dead Set is about the zombie apocalypse as seen through the cameras of a Big Brother broadcast. It's a five-part mini-series that runs about 140 minutes in total -- and man, it's really something special. Knowing a bit about Brooker's snarky ways, I was half-expecting this to be a jokey sort of zombie affair, but no way man: This is full bore horror, and it's one of the best serious zombie movies of the last twenty years. As far as I know, Dead Set is not currently available through a R1 distributor, but if any horror movie is worth the few extra bucks, it's this one. Damn good stuff, well done Charlie, and thanks Pete! (Offical Dead Set website right here!)

Looks like After Dark has chosen their final film for next January's event. It will be a Korean chiller called Voices. The rest of the slate (which includes Weinberg-approved titles like Dying Breed and The Broken) can be perused via Bloody-D's handy new breakdown. And speaking of cool horror flicks I've seen at festivals, the director of Creep and Severance will be doing a dark ages apocalypse story called Black Death. Coooool.

And while I was pleased to see a DVD announcement for The Midnight Meat Train, I got a very nice surprise once I checked out the DVD cover! Cool! Thanks to Twitch, we now have some more details on the R1 Cold Prey (Norwegian slasher flick) DVD. Anchor Bay will be releasing the DVD on January 20. And while the new cover for Ben Rock's Alien Raiders doesn't exactly adhere to the movie ... it's still pretty nifty-looking. Lastly, yikes. Check out the eyeballs on Dorothy Mills!

How many excellent vampire movies can you name? A handful, maybe a dozen? (Even less for me: I'd go with Dracula '31, Dracula '58, Near Dark and maybe two or three others.) Well here's a very cool listing of the top 70 vampire movies of all time that Snarkerati put up last year. The films are ranked via IMDb and RT scores, so at least there's a method to all this madness.

Anyone out there (besides me) a big fan of Night of the Demons? Sure you are. 1988, Linnea Quigley, demon massacres, lotsa gore. (No, not Demons, although that's a good one too.) Well, it's one of those horror flicks that getting the remake treatment. The new version stars Edward Furlong, Diora Baird, Shannon Elizabeth and Monica Keena -- and based on this rather solid set report at Shock, the remake looks to be coming along quite gorily.

Thanks to Bloody-D for pointing us towards the trailer for a new indie horror called Growth. The bio-terror tale looks pretty solid, and the promo clip makes fine use of those Trent Reznor chords. Ah cool: Looks like the Aussie cult classic killer croc flick Dark Age is finally coming to R1 DVD, thanks in no small part to the fantastic Fantastic Fest. And if you like a little gore with your Thanksgiving gravy, then check out the splatter menu that MonstersHD is cooking up.

Elsewhere on Cinematical: That nifty-sounding Monster of Florence book has landed a screenwriter; the inarguably excellent World War Z has landed a diector; War Monkeys is described as a Tarantino-ish Gremlins; and apparently there's a big vampire movie opening this weekend.

I hate it when someone comes up with an idea so simple and clever that I want to kick myself for not thinking of it first. Curse you, Adam Green! His next feature is called Frozen, and here's what it's about: Three poor folks who are stuck on a chair lift. High off the ground. In the freezing cold. Like for days. (Think on that premise for a few minutes. I think it's nifty. Like Open Water with hypothermia instead of sharks.) Frozen will be the first production for a company called A Bigger Boat, which is run by Peter Block, who had a real knack for horror films when he worked for Lionsgate. So this is good news all around.

Andy Fickman directs mostly family-type comedies, so what's he doing remaking RKO classics like The Body Snatcher and I Walked With a Zombie? Check out this interview to find out. Almost two years ago I wrote about a new horror flick called Amusement. Looks like it's finally ready for DVD. Cool: Bloody-D has a Top 13 Best Kills list -- complete with clips! Hey wow, Dark Castle to do a non-remake. And then just for fun let's watch the adorable Stacie Ponder go nutso on Amityville and Sleepaway Camp. Plus Saw is infinitely better than Psycho. This poll proves it. Anyone remember that awful horror flick Stay Alive? This poor sap does.

...oh, and you'll never guess who's playing Thor. Seriously, never.

P.S. Guess what's coming out on October 23rd, 2009. Here's a hint: Saw 6.